


The Trouble With Troubadours

by Patchwork_Quilt



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Jaskier | Dandelion/Valdo Marx, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, The Witcher AU, Valdo Marx Bashing, Valdo Marx Being an Asshole, no beta we die like renfri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:08:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26431666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patchwork_Quilt/pseuds/Patchwork_Quilt
Summary: What if Geralt met Valdo Marx right out of Blaviken. Instead of Jaskier being the first bard to follow him around.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 10
Kudos: 50





	1. The butcher of Music

**Author's Note:**

> So this started as a joke but then I got invested in my joke. So here it is! I did not have a beta reader for this Fic so I’m sorry for any mistakes  
> Realized while I was writing I really hate valdo marx, and by the end of this chapter you will too! That’s the patchwork promise!

Geralt didn’t slow down until he was towns away from Blaviken. But rumors spread fast, and the people who saw him cursed and spat at him. 

Witchers didn’t feel emotions, he liked to remind himself. Even though his heart betrayed him. Blaviken was a terrible, terrible incident. He had liked Renfri, and maybe he would have even loved her, if he had been given a chance and the time to. 

He entered into a noisy Inn. The laughter, chatter and music stopped abruptly. All eyes were glaring at him. He walked to the counter, and inquired about a room. The Innkeeper was a stout man, who at first refused to let Geralt stay the night. But like most humans the sight of coin changed his mind. 

Geralt nodded in thanks and took a seat in the most secluded corner. The eyes of the other patrons slowly turned away from him. All except one, a pair of Dark brown eyes almost black in color. Geralt shifted uncomfortably in his seat. As a man holding a lute walked up to his table. Some might find him attractive. Geralt however did not. The man was shorter than Geralt, but most men are, he smelled of sour bread, and Ridiculously expensive ink. He had a short black beard, and long black hair. Though it was shorter than Geralt's own white hair. He had pale white skin, almost sickly. The man wore the ugliest doublet Geralt had ever seen. 

The man clapped a hand on the Witcher's shoulder, which caused him to let out a low hostile growl. The man did not remove his hand.  
“You must be Geralt Of Rivia, the Witcher.” The man said in a voice that could if it willed to, curdle cheese. 

“I’m Valdo Marx! The Troubadour of Cidaris. Bard of Oxenfurt. Master at the arts of lute, song, and rhyme.” At this Geralt rolls his eyes, giving the man no verbal response. That didn’t seem to bother the bard at all, for he kept on blabbing on and on. About his various achievements and titles. When another cup of ale arrived at Geralt’s table,Valdo took it from him and drank it himself.

Geralt had it with this bard. He was loud, and boastful. He groaned as Valdo started another story about how he wooed some court or another. Geralt stood up and nudged the man out of his way, and headed up to his room. 

<>

In the morning Geralt put his armor back on. And he headed down to the tavern part of the inn. He gave the innkeeper a couple of Denar and exited the Inn. 

He heard Roach make a disgruntled noise as he turned the corner. Only to see that fucking bard again, bothering Roach no less. He groaned, why couldn’t he just go away.  
“Well Let’s go, you have to start your witcher business so I can make my coin.” Valdo said in a cheery voice. It made Geralt even more uncomfortable. There was just something off about his voice. 

Geralt jumped into Roach’s saddle and rode off. Somehow Valdo kept up with him. Every note on his lute sounded sour to Geralt, as the bard wrote something in a journal. Valdo talked about how he was going to make himself rich off of Geralt. And how he would have more fame than some other bard. Geralt didn’t pay attention, and frankly did not care to remember the name and details.  
Valdo started to sing, supposedly a song he just wrote.  
“The Butcher of both monsters and of men..” and with that Geralt immediately did his best to tune the song out. He hated it. Not only did Valdo have a sour voice, the words hurt him. He growled, but Valdo didn’t seem to get the hint to shut the fuck up.


	2. toss a rock at your bard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt didn’t have much experience with bards before this. None had ever followed him before. But if this is what all bards were like, he wished never to meet another one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 2 
> 
> If you didn’t hate Valdo Yet, I sure hope this changes that. 
> 
> Again sorry if it’s a mess, I’m not having anyone Beta read it. So as soon as I finish writing I post it so, I’m extremely sorry for the mess.

It had been like this for a month or two. Geralt would get a contract, he’d kill the beast and get the coin. Except Valdo would then take the coin from Geralt. Sure he was “Generous” in a way. He paid for Geralt to have a meal and a room, and he gave him a coin or two when he needed to buy things to ensure he didn’t die. But it wasn’t much to be thankful for. Valdo’s music was awful, the lyrics were always about how Witchers were monsters, all the notes sounded sour. 

Geralt didn’t have much experience with bards before this. None had ever followed him before. But if this is what all bards were like, he wished never to meet another one. 

<>

They reached Posada; it was a small town, on the edge of the world. The inn was nice, Geralt was relieved when Valdo let him alone. 

The ale didn’t taste like shit for once, someone started singing. Geralt winced at the sound of a lute, praying it wasn’t valdo. But the voice was a kin to that of a nightingale. He didn’t listen to the words, just the sound the words made. It was a silly song he guessed from the reaction the patrons had. 

“I love how you just sit in the corner and Brood.”   
Geralt was started by the nightingale voice talking to him, but only for a moment.   
“I came to drink alone.” He wished that were true. Valdo would be back, and his peace would be uprooted devastatingly. The man said something about him commenting on his performance. 

“Don’t keep a man with..bread in his pants..waiting.” This made Geralt chuckle a bit, this new man with a lute was nice. His face was clean shaven but as his unbuttoned Doublet showed he wasn’t smooth skinned and hairless. His face had a couple of blemishes as well. But Geralt didn’t mind that. He looked well, Beautiful. He smelled of witch-hazel and crisp paper. Geralt nodded, these were good smells. 

The pleasant experience was soured quickly by the smells of Valdo returning.   
“Wow Julian a song about abortion that’s low even for you.” The new lute man scoffed, “it was a good song you’re just jealous you’ve never written one decent thing in your miserable life.” Geralt agreed with him, Valdo's Music was shit.   
“Well how about you watch and learn, Julian. This song is written about that Witcher right there.” With that realization dawned on Julian, as he turned to Geralt. He was about to say something as Valdo started performing. 

“A Butcher of both monsters and men,   
A man without a shred of emotion,”   
as valdo started to sing his terrible song, Geralt turned away from the new bard. Knowing he would just leave or yell at the Witcher. 

But instead he was surprised as Julian sat down next to him, his face full of pity and hate.   
“That fucking asshole, you deserve a bard who can actually sing and tell a good story. How about we leave him here, and I become your bard.” Geralt nodded liking this idea very much. “Not much for words? That’s okay I can speak enough for the both of us.” That earned a chuckle from the witcher, as a towns man ran up to him, offering him coin to kill a devil. 

It looked like he wouldn’t be able to escape and leave valdo behind quite yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!   
> If you liked it leave a kudos and a comment!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> If you enjoyed leave a kudo and a comment!


End file.
